All Gone Away

When I arrived home this afternoon, there was a package waiting by the door. I was expecting this, and kind of dreading it at the same time. It was my last check I would ever receive from my former employer.

It was a nice chunk of change, and should last the better part of a couple months. It included holiday pay, unused sick days, and some money put into a stock purchase plan for stock that would never end up being purchased.

This job was my first experience with direct deposit, which almost removes the relationship between your work and compensation. Instead, it just seemed like I showed up for work whenever I was scheduled, and in exchange, there was always money that magically appeared in my account whenever the bills were due.

Like many other things, you just take this relationship for granted, so it is strange to think that when I check my account on June 15th, the punch bowl will no longer keep refilling itself. Of course, I also no longer have to go to a job that was crushing my soul, so I guess I can live with that (for now).

The wind blows whispers down the street,
Having free reign with the town so bleak
Like everything else it's - all gone away.
The Town Hall clock gives forth its chime,
But no-one's there to ask the time -
Like everything else they've - all gone away

"All Gone Away" was performed by The Style Council

Tossin' & Turnin'

Last week, my wife started having trouble sleeping. Although she said there wasn't anything particular on her mind, I guessed that it had something to do with the fact that three thousand dollars of our monthly take-home pay just vanished into thin air.

Meanwhile, I slept like the proverbial skeleton in the boneyard. I felt great! I had nothing on my mind at all, and was just thankful to be rid of a job that had kept me in a constant state of depression for the better part of a decade.

Of course, I knew this feeling couldn't last. Which is why last night, while my wife was busy sawing logs in the master bedroom, I was in the guest bedroom contorting my body into 74 different positions, convinced that I would instantly fall asleep just as soon as I found the right one.

Anyway, I'm guessing I got about two hours of sleep at the most. Since I am nothing if not productive, I did however search for jobs on Craigslist, roll a couple games of pinball on my PSP, and catch a show about animal cops on TV at about four AM.

Maybe I should think about the Army, as I already did more before seven AM than I am gonna do for the rest of the day.

The clock downstairs was strikin' four
Couldn't get you off my mind
I heard the milkman at the door
'cause I was tossin' and turnin'
Turnin' and tossin'
a-tossin' and turnin' all night

"Tossin & Turnin'" was covered by Peter Criss

The Seeker

When you work at one place for a significant portion of your life, you inevitably start to wonder if you are even capable of doing anything else. You begin to think of your life in the context of your job, and at some point, you become so "institutionalized" that you forget about whole parts of your personality that are left behind every morning when you head off to work.

When I was sent home early last Tuesday, I immediately started scanning the posts on Craigslist, and found dozens of listings that looked promising. I sent out about a half-dozen resumes, and have already scheduled interviews with two of the places that responded back to my inquiry.

Thankfully, I am on my wife's health insurance now, which gives me the freedom to consider a wide variety of options ranging from part-time work to full-time positions. I'm pretty sure that a resourceful person could make a career out of answering the ads on Craigslist, and who is to say that working six interesting part-time jobs adds up to any less of a career than looking at the same three walls of your cubicle day after day.

Right now, I have the luxury of a couple months of back pay and unused vacation days that will keep the wolf away from my door while I am deciding what to do next. As many of you know, my wife and I decided to get serious about saving money this year, so we have a bit of money put away as well.

I am really enjoying this part of my life so far, and don't have any regrets about the decision I made. I always knew I was more than the person that my job thought I was, and now I am looking forward to finding out just who that person really is, and what he is capable of accomplishing when given half a chance to do so.

I've looked under chairs
I've looked under tables
I've tried to find the key
To fifty million fables

They call me The Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I won't get to get what I'm after
Till the day I die

"The Seeker" was written by Pete Townshend

Move On

In my mind, I think I quit my job years ago. Sure, I showed up every day, and tried to complete my tasks in a professional and competent manner. But no matter how hard I tried, every now and again I would screw something up simply because I had been over that job for years.

On the day that I quit, my boss sent me a scathing e-mail (if an e-mail can in fact scathe), criticizing my latest blunder, and going so far as to blame it on a lack of enthusiasm for my job.

I didn't bother to respond, because there really wasn't much to say. She was right.

My job for the most part certainly wasn't any fun. Each day, I could count on a lot of mindless menial labor mixed in with mind-numbing boredom when the jobs finally stopped rolling in. There were certain parts of my job that I enjoyed, but ultimately not much to jump up and down about when all was said and done.

That is why I think that making this transition has been a relatively painless experience for me. I was so ready to be gone from that place for so long now, that it almost seems like I was never there. Today, just to make sure there was no going back, I threw away pretty much every document related to my former place of employment, and tossed another bag of uniforms in the convenient bin on the corner that collects and distributes clothing and shoes to the homeless.

Kind of gives me a slight thrill to think of some dude ambling down skid row proudly wearing my former company logo on his chest. Now if I can only figure out what a "roller in the ocean" is, I think I will be fully prepared to take my first tentative steps into the next chapter of my so-called life.

Like a roller in the ocean, life is motion
Move on
Like a wind that's always blowing, life is flowing
Move on
Like the sunrise in the morning, life is dawning
Move on
How I treasure every minute
Being part of it, being in it
With the urge to move on

"Move On" was written and performed by ABBA

Burn Down The Mission

Today at around 2:20PM, I was unceremoniously escorted out of the building by my supervisor.

I had pretty much packed up everything already and cleared out my locker, but I was at least expecting to finish out the week. As it turns out, once you get your exit interview, it is company policy to hustle you out of these as fast as possible (with full pay for the rest of your shifts).

I kind of like the fact that they thought it would be dangerous to have me hanging around after all the paperwork had been processed. They had no problem leaving me alone in charge of what I estimate to be about a half a billion dollars of computer equipment every weekend for the better part of three years, but these last few days were apparently just too much to risk.

Somebody who took this to heart was one of my co-workers, who took the rest of the day off once she heard I was leaving. I mean, she was never my favorite person, but I had no great plan to go out in blaze of glory or anything!

As you can see from the picture above, my work uniforms however did meet a fiery end this evening. I always hated those stupid shirts, and it was a singular thrill to toast a couple marshmallows over their burning polyester embers.

Burn down the mission
If we're gonna stay alive
Watch the black smoke fly to heaven
See the red flame light the sky

"Burn Down The Mission" was performed by Elton John

Alarm Clock Shock

When the alarm goes of on Monday, I will begin my last blessed week of work with the company I have been with for almost seven years. Strange to think that after next week, I'll have absolutely no use for all the myriad rules, protocols, and procedures that I have performed with robotic precision for the better part of a decade.

Just where does all that unnecessary knowledge go, exactly? How can something so important to my present ability to put food on the table become worthless information so quickly?

Anyway, my wife and I have a wedding to attend tonight. Invariably, at social functions like these, you'll be seated next to somebody you don't know, and that person will at some point during the evening ask what you do for a living.

In days past, I would have just muttered something about "computers," or "the Internet," and left it at that. Along with my response, I would always find it necessary to impart to the person inquiring that I didn't really enjoy my job; if only through the tone of my response, or the less-than-enthusiastic look that immediately came over my face when they asked.

Tonight will be different. I will be able to respond with passion and vigor.

"Freelance Bum," I will proudly state. Or, "Soon-To-Be Unemployed Drain On Our Personal Finances."

Should be fun to watch the person's expression when I answer the question. At least the pitiful look won't be on my face this time...

Six o'clock--Alarm clock shock!
Seven o'clock--I'm on the train
Dragged in at eight--No, don't be late
A million days of work--Yes that's my fate

"Alarm Clock Shock" was performed by The British Norberts

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Right before I landed this job, my wife had a phone consultation with a psychic. She was one of those professional-type psychics who helped police find lost kids etc. I had worked on a documentary about her, and I think she gave us a discount.

In any case, instead of telling my wife's future, she mainly focused on me and my life, which annoyed my wife to no end. Nevertheless, one of her predictions was that I would be offered a full-time position outside of the entertainment industry, and that I should absolutely turn the offer down.

I guess I didn't listen.

I don't regret taking this job--it has certainly paid my bills and taken good care of my health needs for the past seven years. But I also don't regret quitting either. I wish I would have had something lined up before I moved on, but this week they really put me in a position where I would have had to abandon any shred of dignity I had left in order to continue working there.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

"Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" is by The Smiths

Welcome To The Working Week

Hello. My name is Rob. Today I quit my job.

Not really sure what to say about it at this point. Sure felt great when I hit the "send" button yesterday on my resignation e-mail though! At this point, I'm not really freaking out or anything, I am just kind of numb. Didn't sleep much last night in any case. Strange to think that after seven years of gainful employment at the same company, that it will all be ending in a couple weeks.

Welcome to the workin' week.
Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you.
Welcome to the workin' week.
You gotta do it 'til you're through it so you better get to it.

"Welcome To The Working Week" was written by Elvis Costello